keep it together crys

Down to 2 days. Just 2..I was counting 3, but no, Thursday, Friday, Showtime. I have been on a 4 month journey towards this goal, and it is finally within hours reach. I'm trying to keep a steady head and not lose control right now. People keep asking how I'm feeling. I just want Saturday to get here. I cannot think anymore outside of what I need to do between now and Saturday, my brain is shot. 3 hours of cardio left, 1 more workout, 24 more hours of sleep (assuming I get a full 8 right now its really between 6 and 7), and there I am. All that work, all the sweat, the sacrifices, the tears (yes I've been an emotional wreck) lead up to that one day. So what happens if I don't win? Do I feel sorry for myself? Do I feel like a failure? Ofcourse not. I look in the mirror and see a completely different person looking back at me. A strong, confident, determined person who busted her behind for 16 long weeks and regardless of what placing I walk off that stage with, I am pretty darn proud with the progress I've made.

So how am I keeping control of the madness going through my mind right at this moment? Well, my room looks like a tornado ran through it. But I have lists everywhere. A list of things I must get done by Friday, a list of things I must pack, a things I need to cook list, lots and lots of lists. Some have things scratched off already, some do not. Right now, my biggest priority is a Final Exam I have tomorrow afternoon. After cardio tonight I will run through my notes again. I've been actively completing the review during class but am not retaining any information right now. Perhaps its this little event coming Saturday that has completely blocked any other thoughts from entering my brain? It's not the no carb thing because I happen to be on Day 3 of carb loading and man am I loving it. I will slowly continue to scratch things off each list until Friday when its time to leave. I was a little stressed because my suit hadn't showed, but its here now. A cute sparkly little thing. New stress? Aside from my final exam, our water will be shut off all day tomorrow due to a pipe or something. That really puts a hold on some of my cooking plans and shower plans! I'll find a way to work around this though. Trying really hard to keep it together....