progress report

So, six weeks to go. Oh my time is creeping up on me pretty fast. I am still on my 4 day split with two a day cardio. A tiny bit of my calories have been cut from my diet, and as the weeks go by more and more will slowly be taken away. Yes, depletion has begun. Last year at this time I was exhausted, ready to give up, cheating, doubtful, moody, lonely. This year six weeks out I couldn't feel better. I suppose its the fact that dieting down isn't new to me. Competition prep, it takes quite the toll on your mind, and last year I was overwhelmed and consumed with emotions through the whole process. Don't get me wrong, its still quite the emotional rollercoaster. Somedays I'm just so angry with the world and nobody can put a smile on my face. Other days I'm fine. Im not exhausted just yet, I know it will come soon though. I'm actually quite proud of myself, Ive cut my daily coffee to weekends only. Have I cheated? Well, to be quite honest I've had minor slip ups, I found a little note in my food journal yesterday that said I had a binge. It was nine weeks out, I dont remember the binge, and I dont remember journaling about it, but apparently it happened and I was very disappointed in myself after. I can honestly say recently I haven't really strayed from my nutrition plan at all. I know what I want, and so I just suck it up channel my thoughts elsewhere, take deep breaths and keep going with my day. Lonely? Well, that one is hard to answer. I would call it a self-inflicted loneliness. The closer I get to show the more I shut people out. I almost don't realize I do it until I have a moment of free time and then nobody's around to do fun "uncompetition" things with. I cant complain though, and I wont. I hope people understand it isn't on purpose, its just competition prep. In a little over a month, I'll be more pleasant, and more willing to go out and party hardy again. Enough about the internal things going on. Externally well I am definitely not where I need to be. I'm still dropping pounds (I know I said no more weighing but I had to know!) and bodyfat is decreasing with it. Things are progressing quite well. Somedays I wake up with a 6pack :) those are always great days. Other days the 6pack is just a belly but I know its down there somewhere. And that's where I'm at right now. Working working and thats it. No room for excuses, no room for breaks, just room to work harder and keep pushing. 


On a side note, I've started my post competition food wish list. I'll share. It isn't too long yet. My list will grow though, but for now this is what I got:


Pepperoni Pizza Thin Crust Extra Sauce
Blizzard any flavor
Cheesecake
A Brownie from Starbucks
PBJ Sandwich
I saw this chocolate almond butter yesterday at walmart that I need to try eventually..


And that's it so far. Desserts are winning obviously, surprise surprise. 

to each his own. my thoughts on supplements...

I get a lot of questions about what supplements work, what I would suggest, what will help tone. Answering those questions are tough. There isn't a miracle pill or drink that will burn the fat right off your midsection. At the same time, there are pills out there that will help with energy to make you work longer, bring your body temperature up to make you sweat more, suppress your appetite so you eat less. I'm always nervous to suggest what supplements a person should take aside from a daily multivitamin since there are so many side effects that come with taking supplements. My biggest suggestion would be for a person to do their research before jumping on a fatburner bandwagon.

Obviously I do take supplements and I'll share what I'm taking for anyone wondering. So that I'm not contradicting myself, I will justify I am in the gym on average of 2-3 hours a day. My own energy alone, in my opinion couldn't handle the work I put my body through so I do take supplements. I started a new fatburner stack recently. So far, really really good. I'm getting crazy amounts of energy through my workouts, and still sleeping pretty well at night. Along with daily fatburners I take BCAA's which promote recovery, a daily multivitamin (no they aren't just for old people) everybody needs a multi, and Glucosamine Chondroitin which is a joint supplement. So here's my list.

• Daily Multivitamin any brand
• Fatburner **Stack Abdominal Cuts along with Atomic Burn
• BCAA **ON
• Glucosamine Chondroitin any brand
• Low Carb Meal Replacement Shakes

At one point in time I did take other supplements when my weight didn't matter. I used a preworkout drink, which I cant wait to be able to take again. When you talk about strength gains and energy, those drinks aren't kidding. I also did take Whey Protein but its recently been cut from my diet and that's pretty much it.

Am I saying everybody should go out and take these pills and they'll have awesome bodies in 12 weeks? Ofcourse not. If you want to see results, you have to be willing to work for them. They aren't miracles in bottles. Also, what works for me, may not work for the next person. I will say I really like the current supplements on my list, they seem to be exactly what I need to reach my fitness goals.

There is also a great deal of work a person's body can do without any supplements at all. The key is work. How hard are you willing to push yourself? When it gets hard do you quit? If you want something bad enough, eventually you will put in the work. I know what I want, and I wake up every morning knowing every choice I make when I step out of that bed will affect me reaching my goal.

Its all about the work. Nothing is going to fall into your lap -Russel Simmons

home is where my heart is.

I try not to travel too far so that I won't have to worry about if I'll find a gym or if following my nutrition program will be a hassle. Its always easier when dieting down to just stay at my own home. Last year I ventured home for 4th of July and a baby shower and both times nutrition wise were a disaster.

This year so far my family has been the most supportive loving and accommodating as they could possibly be. I couldn't be more appreciative. They ask before I get there what foods I'll need so the refrigerator is stocked and all I have to worry about is cooking. Even if maybe she buys the wrong mrp brand or wrong veggies I love my mom for trying. My moms definitely the biggest support system I have right now. But overall the entire family does such a good job not letting me lose too much focus
At the same time, trips home are supposed to be a break, a celebration, a vacation. Ill be heading home Sunday. Its a long overdue visit for me and I'm looking forward to seeing everybody and getting away. I'm taking a little workout break. Not a long one just a couple of days. Its also my sisters birthday and if anybody knows how to celebrate birthdays its my family. There will be bbq pits grilling and drinks flowing and ofcourse a CAKE. Cake is my enemy right now. I love my nutrition program and so I'm not too worried about trading my grilled chicken for fajitas..but cake is my weakness. Desserts are my weakness.

I'm going to do what I can to stay far far away from the dessert. I've been stressing all week about this visit and my diet. But I got the txt this morning asking for the grocery list and a sense of relief has come over me.

Nobody said this would be easy. Its loaded with struggles, obstacles, sacrifices. This is my choice, competing, its nobody else's choice but my own and so I will take on everydays challenge with a smile on my face and a strong mind.  

waiting.

My meals are not that small. They are all pretty balanced, 6-8 oz of chicken or fish, 2 cups of vegetables, 1/2 cup of brown rice. when plated, looks pretty large, you'd be suprised the calories are quite low, under 400 to be exact. That's a typical meal, not my only ofcourse, but one or two of my meals generally look this way.

So this is my current dilemma, when I finish this delicious large meal, a part of me isn't quite satisfied, and so I have to talk myself out of walking into the kitchen for a snack. Its a constant struggle.

Some things I've had to do to keep myself out of the kitchen after I finish the meal is eating slower, cutting food into tiny pieces, drinking a great big cup of water along with the food. All these methods should work right? For me, they don't.

The only thing that keeps me from going back to the kitchen is one large deep breath, and a pep talk. I have to sit, and wait, and wait, for the feeling to go away. You see, I'm not hungry after a while, I may not even be hungry when I finish my meal, but for some odd reason I always just want a lil extra of something to "finish the meal off." I'm currently blogging this very minute trying to distract myself, while I'm waiting for this feeling to pass and I suppose its working because my stomach feels as though its beginning to settle.

I'm not sure if other people have this struggle, the "need to eat more when you aren't hungry" struggle, but if you do, try the deep breath and the pep talk. Really the pep talk works, ask yourself if you're really hungry, or just want food to "finish the meal off." I posted something recently about conditioning the mind and this is very much another example of that. A strong mind is a very powerful thing. I'm currently working on mine right now :)

study break.

Taking a quick study break to give one last reveal before I start wearing more clothing. That's right. No more showing off the bikini body after today. I didn't quite explain why in one of my before pics I was holding up a newspaper. Well, when I was down and out I decided I'd enter a 12-week transformation challenge sponsored by Labrada Nutrition and Bodybuilding.com. I figured it would be a good way to restart my engine after a long hibernation. Today ends the 12 weeks and well I'll be submitting my photos in the next day or so. I'm not 100% positive I'll win, but I'm pretty darn proud of myself for what I've accomplished so far. Here's what 12 weeks have done for me, and technically it was a little less than 10 weeks, because I had a 3 week break. Take a look. 








And there I am. Quite the transformation I'd say. Now take note, I'm a little more tan and in heels, but overall I'd say I've made some leaps. Number wise, I'm down 12lbs and 8% bodyfat. Inches have come down quite a bit. Now that that's out of the way, back to studying. Hopefully I win, the prizes are awesome. If I don't win this challenge, well, I'll be okay because honestly, I've already won.

strong body, stronger mind.

"The human body can stand the stress of training and nutritional structure. It’s the mind that’s the weakest link. Conditioning the mind is so important. Where the mind goes the body follows." -Kim Oddo

The quote above holds so much truth especially in my weakest moments. I do not have the strongest mind in the world, nor do I ever claim to. At times it is a daily battle pushing myself through a workout or even worse saying no to foods I used to love. I read this quote and immediately posted it on my facebook status because of how much I relate with it.


I'd like to share what occurred to me about 3 hours ago. Well, first I'll begin with how my day is usually planned out. My training program is quite structured, meals are timed and pre-chosen, cooked and portioned so that all I have to do is walk out the door with a lunch box filled with only my days meals. It makes things simple and convenient and keeps me from drive thru lines and corner stores for snacks. I have "emergency snacks" also pre measured that I take with me usually if I know I will have an extremely long day. Today was quite the easy day, I didn't even have to carry a lunchbox. Its finals week, so classes are shorter, I have less clients to train, I really had no reason to even pack an "emergency snack."
I walk into the gym for today's last class. This class is a coaching class and our final was group presentations of different curriculums. I smell the most amazing smell coming from 4 pizza boxes in the corner of the gym. Our lovely teacher thought she'd treat us to pizza on our last class day. How thoughtful of her. I look in my bag, and all I have is a pack of sugar-free gum and my Meal 4 which I still had 2 hours to wait on eating I didnt even pack an emergency snack. Normally 2 hours doesn't feel very long between meals and it's not hard to wait, it isn't my favorite meal, so I don't crave it nor run to it. Its just plain old Meal 4. At this point in time the boxes are still closed, students are still entering the gym and everyone sorta corrals around the boxes. I take a seat against the wall, take 2 pieces of gum, one deep breath, and grab the cell phone to text every person in my contact list trying to distract myself from thinking about the pizza. The only thing between myself and that pizza was one person. I could have easily reached for my slice. Asked her to pass me a slice. Talk about torture, it was torture. 


One of my favorite friends and a fellow competitor was the first to respond to my texts and I'm ever so grateful for her "words of wisdom." She says: 'Think sexy, be sexy. How bad do you want it? You're the only one that can take yourself there. You're the only one that can keep you from getting there.'  She was right. She is right. I take one more piece of gum, another breath, and just sat there. My mental strength was tested today. Crystal-1 Pizza-0. I don't feel like I'm losing when I miss out on that tastey goodness, at that exact moment I might just a little, but in the end, I'm really the winner. Or that's how I see it. I have a goal to reach. Every morning when I wake up, its the only thing I think about, and I refuse to let anything get in my way. Even greasy, cheesy, pizza. 


Anyway I had to share that. I almost choked when I saw what I was going to have to turn down. haha, it hurt my heart. Oh well, 6-pack coming soon.... 

all work no play???

I gotta have some fun dont I? I mean, I could lock myself in the closet for the next 8 weeks and only come out to hit the gym and then head back to the closet. Cut off friends, cut off fun, focus focus focus. For the most part I'd say my focus is on target right now, but I am human and a very social being. I think I'd go crazy if I shut myself off from the world. Im so thankful for crazy friends who want to learn how to "model pose" and show some interest in the crazy things that are part of my lifestyle. Its nice to know that even though I am out enjoying festivities nobody makes fun because instead of coming with a case of beer I choose to bring my lunchbox. I'm extremely thankful for how understanding the friends I've made are. So, as promised here are the pics from the pool party this weekend. 

trial and error

After getting "schooled" on workout knowledge today from my lovely co-competitor/best friend/stand in trainer I'm ready to work harder. Its funny, I can always count on him to put me in my place. When everybody says, "Gosh Crystal you're looking good!" He'll be the first to bust that bubble with, "Your arms look that way because you aren't pushing yourself hard enough." Some may view this as harsh, these words are the ones I appreciate the most.

I'm eight weeks out. I have a trainer again, and a best friend who has a great deal of knowledge and criticism he loves throwing my way, so we'll call the 2 of them my training team ha. I'm now sitting on my third week of no weight loss. I think I've already said that, it's time to make some changes. This week we've decided to cut some of the workload off. So, I was at a 5 day split and we're bringing me back down to 4. If anybody doesn't quite know what a 4 day split is, well, its gym talk for specific muscle group training, I was doing 5 days of weights a week, and we're retrying 4 days instead. My cardio is also dropping and I wont lie I'm kind of excited to hear that. I was ready for 120 min a day but nope, I'm bringing it down to 60 min a day. Not too bad at all, cake. Oh and then there's my diet. Nothing is really changing, we're just reorganizing what time of day I get which macros. Macros: short for macronutrients i.e. calories, fat, carbohydrates, protein.

At the end of the day there's no telling if this plan will fail or pass. There is no sure plan, as every body is different, and will respond differently to different methods. I'm hoping for a pass. Less work, more weightloss? Wouldn't that be just amazing? I'm hesitant to post my numbers, weight, inches, bodyfat so I wont. But in a week from today, with these changes to my program, I will report the final grade of this change. Oh yea, and I'm putting the scale away. For the next couple of weeks it'll be pictures and measurements to dictate if my program is working. This is about to get very interesting.

Pancakes for breakfast???

Okay so they arent REAL pancakes. A mix of egg whites, oatmeal, water and sweetener. If I wasnt dieting down I probably would have used milk, butter and syrup. But they taste really really good, and oh yes that's real bread. Carbs are not as bad as many people think. And very much a part of my diet right now. I know eventually I'll have to say goodbye to some carbs, but for now I enjoy every last bite.

So I'm 8 weeks til show time today. Technically, its 9, but I dont count that last week, so for me its 8. Weight wise Ive come a long way, 15lbs lower than when I started my program (on a good day..somedays its 12lbs), but I still have a big 10lbs to lose in 8 weeks. Ive been maintaining my current weight for 2 weeks strong which means something's gotta change really soon. As I said, I was going to do my homework, and I did, Ive calculated every single calorie, fat, protein, carb that goes in my mouth..I'm currently trying to decide if my diet needs altering, or maybe I should ramp up my cardio an extra 15 minutes. Either way, the pounds need to drop so some changes will be made starting tomorrow. As for now, I'll enjoy my pancake with cinnamon, and toast.

Weekend is here..

My morning cardio is a pretty crucial part of my training program. Every morning while people are sleeping or getting ready for work, you can find me on a treadmill, elliptical, or on the pavement. Its not easy, especially when I dont get the sleep I should have the night before, but I've accepted that its a part of life and I cant really just not do it. Sure there are other times in the day that it might fit better in my schedule, but why do it later?? I have a routine every morning to force myself out of bed. First I snooze the alarm maybe 3 times...or 10 :) then I finally open my eyes, look at my phone to see if I missed anything, stumble out of bed and turn on some music. This video is part of the playlist I listen to every morning. It isnt a very energetic song at all, but the words motivate me on a daily to get up and moving. So I'll share.



In other news, its FRIDAY!! Yes..for some this means party, relax, rest. For this little lady, it means focus 10 times harder. Weekends are tough. I prefer being on a tight schedule fitting workouts between work and school, when I have a full day of nothing at all to do I find myself sometimes putting it off until later in the day, not as energetic, things like that. So I have to make it a goal to push myself a little harder on the weekends than during the week. Especially when there's a beautiful river down the road. Its not very fun at all. I dont think there's anything wrong with partying hardy on the weekends, dont get me wrong. But there's gotta be some limitations in the partying, I dont work as hard as I do to wash away my progress, or atleast thats how I see it. Anyway, hope everybody has an exciting fun filled weekend! Don't forget to kiss mom's foreheads come Sunday.

the ugly side.

I get alot of questions about weightloss, as expected. Questions about supplements, dieting, workouts. I appreciate each and every question I get. At the end of the day the answer usually stays the same. Eat healthy, work hard, and dont give up. There's really nothing else to it but that. I do understand its much easier said than done. I suppose people expect to see huge results after a week or so, which in some cases is true. Its really not that easy though. For me, it took 28 weeks (7 months) the first time, and well, Im currently on month 8 of hard work and have just begun to see visible changes again. At the end of the day the only thing I didnt do was stop. Just keep going, keep working, it may not be in a week or even a month, but eventually things will start to happen. Knowing that should be enough motivation to keep anybody going. Aside from the physical, exercise and diet also keep you HEALTHY and thats what it should really be about. Living longer, breathing easier, being strong.

My story's a little different ofcourse. I want to compete, so my dieting and workout ethic has to be amped up times ten. Ive had to sacrifice more than just my favorite foods for this passion of mine. My social life has taken a toll, sometimes my grades begin to drop. I rock these dark circles around my eyes 7 days a week, and my hair, it lives in a hair tie! Atleast I've saved on hair products and make up. ha. I feel like its worth it though. So what if I cant stay out past midnight or dare I say have to be single for a few more months. Yes, even those relationships get put on the backburner while I'm training, I haven't learned how to juggle that part of my life combined with countless hours in the gym, working, sleeping, eating every 3 hours. Yea, not alot of room for a boyfriend in there.

The only pretty thing about my lifestyle is that final product. Walking on that stage in the heels, hair done, lashes on. Getting to that stage isn't pretty at all. I love my friends that have stuck around though. I've lost a few on the way, but the ones that stuck around are perhaps the only real ones I've had. Oh and my family, they may as well be my second trainers because when Im home they do what they can to keep me on my diet. For example, shrimp stuffed bacon wrapped jalapenos on Easter minus the bacon and the cheese! Thank God for family.

back to the drawing board..

the results speak for themselves. i obviously had an amazing trainer by my side that played a huge role in this huge transformation of mine. he turned me frm a body, into a Hardbody in a matter of months and his services were greatly appreciated. sadly, personal training is a business, and my trainer and I have had to part ways for financial reasons, I wont go into logistics of it all, the bottom line is im currently 'trainer-less.' considering changing the name of this post to WANTED: TRAINER, WILL PAY WITH CHEESECAKE! kidding. if you've forgotten my starting point, I went from that girl



To this girl >>>

okay enough with the progress photos for now. Ive decided I'll keep the photos to a minimum from this point forward. back to the point of my story, I am looking at a competition, 9 weeks away, yes 9. it seems sooo far away to some, but in competition world, 9 weeks isnt very much time at all. think crystal think. do you throw in the towel? no ofcourse not. this is just one more obstacle I will somehow overcome. so today I will tear my diet apart, look through the books and books and journals I've kept in the shelf throughout this process, DO MY HOMEWORK, after all I am a personal trainer too aren't I? I'd rather not train myself, its stressful enough just following the diets and workouts, but for now I really have no choice. Giving up is never an option, I know this lil hiney will be strutting on that stage no matter how I get there, I'm going to get there....so thats it for now. I will continue to watch this clock and hope 2 hours comes quick cause my stomach is starting to growl.
where's my water??

FLASH FORWARD.

And now finally that I have caught everyone up on just a tiny bit of the struggles I've faced during this journey, I can bring you to now. Oh the struggles are still very much there, daily things come up that affect every bit of what I have going on.

Well, I couldnt quit. Like I said, I'm not a quitter. I did take a break though, a much needed break. I took a look at my program, discussed goals with my trainer, and when my body said go, I did just that. Cardio once a day instead of twice, weights four times a week instead of five, and dieted hard. Although my training wasn't as intense, it was easier to manage along with work, school, life. And what do you know?


Progress. Finally. Seven months after my competition and the extra 20 pounds that found me, I finally have started to see progress. The thoughts going through my mind right at this moment? Dont stop now. Ofcourse I'm relieved to finally see some changes after ALL this time, but I cannot be content with my progress just yet. On April 1, 2010, I committed to compete in a show which is 9 weeks and 5 days from today. And although I'm enjoying waking up with a sort of 4 pack, the judges will look at my almost 4 pack and laugh. And so I'll keep going. Keep pushing. Come July 10 I will strut this little body on that figure competition stage once more, and hopefully come home with a trophy :). Welcome to the next 9 weeks of my journey. Remember it doesnt end, but I will make a pit stop in the near future.

just keep pushing forward

I bet you're wondering what happened after my lowest low...well, I picked myself up from the floor, dusted myself off, sucked it up and pushed forward. So what if my belly poked out a lil more, as did the bum, there was a healthy body underneath it all, and I was gonna hold my head high. Sometimes, even now, it is frustrating looking in the mirror, knowing where I'd like to be, and not being there, makes me angry. But that anger inside of me is why I keep pushing forward. January 2010 came fast, and with January comes competition season, another year of shows to prep for. 12 weeks is all it truly takes, the first show of the year was in March. Could I be ready?? Ofcourse I could, or so I thought. So my competition prep program began in January..AM cardio.check.meals every 3 hrs. check. weight training 5 days a week. check. weight shedding off...UNCHECK. what in the world? why wasnt my body changing? where was this 6 pack of mine???? Surely it was coming soon....well I wasnt 100% dieting nor was I doing cardio 100%. And my body knew it I suppose.

Here comes March, weight still high, body still soft, will I compete this year? My heart hurts, I'm ready to quit this dream I have. Its impossible, the thought that continued to cross my mind was that my body wasnt meant to be small. That picture of me with the newspaper was another attempt at "remotivating" myself that I can definitely lose weight and compete again. Four weeks later, I looked exactly the same.

And so that is when I gave in. Stopped working out. just took some time away from training and working out. Done.

my struggles after the high...

Flashback to October 2009, one month after my competition, now what? I put on 20lbs and didn't even know where to begin with this new body. A 20 lb heavier crys??? Who wants that? I didnt. I just wanted to hide, nothing fit, everything hurt, I had curves I had never seen in my life. I felt like my life was over!! I know, superficial, self absorbed, shallow me so focused on the outter. But the larger outter me, wasn't what I was used to, and it hurt to see all my hard work wash away in as little as a month, this is what i turned into...where did my abs go? where oh were did they go....i will call this my low point.

start

As I was doing my cardio this morning, sweating up a storm, I had the opportunity to think about my life and goals, as I always think and think while doing cardio, not alot else you can do on a machine that doesn't travel anywhere. For those who don't know my story, I decided to compete in my first figure competition last year and haven't given up on this dream thus far. I will continue to pursue it for some time. I am quick to post photos of progress as they come, but nobody has ever seen my struggles. And is success really worth it without the struggles? I've finally decided its time to showcase exactly where I came from, what I've evolved into, and hopefully continue to evolve into. I am a work in progress and this journey will be rough, but I'm no quitter.

That lil lady to the right was me in March 2009. Before I ever knew I'd become a competitor. 28 weeks later, you see the results, September 2009. That is usually the picture I show, when I say I compete. Don't worry there is more...