highs and lows

Somedays, my smile's aren't fake or forced, I'm not as sleepy, I'm motivated. Those are my highs.

Other days, I don't want one person to look at me because then I have to smile and converse, and waste energy doing so, I'm hungry, sleepy, on the verge of tears every hour. Those are the lows.

I'm not the most sensitive girl in the world, you get thick skin after every curve and crevice in your body gets pinched, measured, critiqued. Someone may tell you, you don't have what it takes, or think you still need a few more weeks to diet. My feelings don't get hurt when people think and say negative things to me or think negative things about me. That's my motivation to keep fighting. Keep working. Prove them wrong, prove to myself that I do have what it takes to do whatever it is that I want.

I have 8 more days to go, and at the rate I'm going, I'll have 5 more lows and 3 more highs ha. It's hard to stay strong 100% of the time when your body is begging you for a break, begging you for more food. The mind is one powerful thing, I'm still training mine to be stronger than my body. Its strange to say, but I think without cardio, I would have lost my mind by now. Those long runs are my chance to clear my mind, release all the stress thats building up, just go. Other times, the cardio ends up being my stress, with legs so tired they dont want to lift of the ground but I keep going.

I have a list of things I still have to do before next week.

Nails done

Hair done (its all kinds of funny colors right now, need to handle it)

My SUIT ISNT HERE YET!!!

More Posing Practice

Water Load

Water Deplete

buy my day of comp food (sodium free rice cakes which heb has been out of for 3 days)

***Im proud to say I currently have Natural Peanut Butter and Roasted Almond Butter in my fridge that has yet to be touched..and this isnt the jar kind, this is the crushed my own peanuts kind, ya kno, Whole Foods peanut crusher machine, that kind**

More Cardio

3 MOre Workouts :) YESSS

Pack

Take my Final Exam!

Oh my, school and work. They are still very much there. This weekend I will knock out some of this list, hair and nails for sure, and I'll start my study guide for my Final. Everything will fall into place. Lets just hope I get my suit soon, and pray it fits! I'm almost there.

hair help

I've been playing with different hairstyles this weekend. Presentation is key...I've already picked my favorite, but I'd like others opinions. So there are 5 diff "looks" I think they all kind of look similar. Any opinions good and bad will be greatly appreciated.

a day in the life of..

How I havent gone crazy just yet I'm not quite sure. To put into perspective what the past few weeks look like allow me to give you the daily run down.

Mon: 630a teach cardio class followed by 30-45 min of low intensity cardio

eat (every 3 hours eat again)

homework, study, nap if time permits

school

weights

cardio round 2

study, homework sleep

Tues: Cardio in the morning 45 min-an hour

eat (every 3 hrs eat again)

noon teach cardio class

go to school

teach an abs class

weights

cardio round 2

study homewk sleep

Wed: See Tues

Thurs: See wed and tues, subtract cardio class and abs class

Fri Sat Sun

Cardio

Weights

School

Promos (second job)

Cardio

Sleep

Eat every 3 hrs

That is my life. For the past 4 weeks exactly like that, and before summer started it was a little tougher schedule, but a little less workouts as well. Now, workouts have increased, cardio has increased, oh and food its decreased. Why anybody would choose to live this way and yes I say choose because this is my choice. Am I complaining, to an extent, but I view this schedule almost as a lifestyle. This is my life. So maybe I am a little crazy afterall, but who wants to be normal really?

Thankfully, there are a couple of things that have kept me sane through this process, the things that keep me functioning really. Not in any specific order these are probably the things that I appreciate the most right now.

1. Splenda (i'll switch to Stevia soon I promise)

2. Oats

3. Coffee

4. Orbit gum

5. My family, friends, and trainers

6. Lucy and Gizmo

7. Waking up with a 6-pack

8. Naps

9. Cardio (yes, cardio, my alone thinking time)

And there you go. Im still chugging along. Still surviving. Not all the way crazy. Its funny, every single time I see a mirror I hit a pose. People probably make fun, but I really dont care. I get a lot of "gosh you look tired" comments. Daily its what I hear. Part of me wants to say "Hello look at what I do all day long ofcourse I'm tired" but I just smile agree and mind my business.

On a more fun note, I had a photoshoot with a great photographer recently. It was fun and fit ha I'll share a couple of our faves. I can promise that although this photoshoot was only a week ago, my body already looks different than it did the day of the shoot. It's crazy, the biggest changes my body will make are in the next 15 days...you'll see.

There I am. I'll share more soon...

two-four.

twenty four days to go. thats two-four (24).

Things I still need to accomplish:

1. Build boulder shoulders :) cap them off nice and round

2. Wider Lats

3. Leaner legs, bring them down at least an inch

4. Lose the bellyyyyyyy (my enemy)

5. Ham/Glute tie in (work work work in progress)

Not a lot of days and still quite the list of goals, I want to say things are coming together quite nicely. Thats all I'll say, there is always room for improvement. I refuse to be satisfied with the results I've gotten, although I am a little proud, I have to stay focused on the goal.

A couple of days ago, I almost broke. The previous post was almost a pep-talk to myself, trying to convince myself not to quit. Yes, I said it, I wanted to quit. Somewhere inside of me the little flame burnt out and I was positive I did not have what it takes to make it to the next 3 weeks. I went to bed defeated almost. Two days later, I'm two workouts in, 4 cardio sessions in, and 2 days closer to that stage than I was before..I can't quit. What was I thinking? Aside from letting everybody else down, I cant let my own self down. Not after all the work, the talk, the work...and so I'll keep pushing. I didnt break thankfully, I'm kinda tough :) and determined. So, I'll accept the sacrifices I have to continue making and go, twenty four days really isnt that far away. So back to that list, 5 mini goals before I get to that BIG GOAL, oh and I'll get there, believe that.

"when you feel like quitting, remember why you held on so long in the first place." -anon

Strong mind

Strong mind strong mind strong mind. My body hates me it...this little journey hasnt been easy in any way shape or form, but 4 weeks to go and every single day is beginning to feel harder than the day before. Every morning starts the same, alarm goes off, snooze, sit up take an Atomic Burn, lay back down, alarm goes off again. I wake up, get dressed, walk out the door and start running. Come home, meal 1 along with the rest of my supplements. The rest of my day is filled with workouts, training clients, school, fitness classes, power naps, coffee, meals, tiny meals. My body's tired, my MIND is tired, and I'm hungry. Its so close, and Ive come so far, but here I am with less than 30 days to go finally breaking. Quitting isnt an option, its the last thing on my mind after working this hard this long. There will be a lot of digging deep in the next few days...forget the shovel, I need a bull dozer. Nobody said this would be easy...and easy it is not.

so close.

Its getting closer. Things are coming together it seems. I have definitely come a long way from April 1, to today. I have 4 tiny weeks to go. And they will fly by. Diet has changed again as it does every two weeks. Workouts have become quite interesting, glutes are tremendously sore. I never have focused on the gluteal region too much I figured squats and lunges was all I needed. Well there is this thing called a ham/glute tie in, that is non-existent on my body and judges love that area..so I've made it a goal to try and get this tie-in. A late goal none the less, but better late than never. I'm a little more tired than usual, and definitely more "on edge." I'm usually good at faking nice, actually I do a lot of faking nice but here recently there is no fake-ness to me. What you see is what you get, and I cant hold it back if I try. I apologize to anybody who I offend in the next few weeks with my mean looks, eye rolls, smart alic remarks, curse words. Believe me, if I could contain it I would. I have a new obsession with finding recipes that somehow fit in my program. So far, I haven't found one, but I am determined to create something so unbelievably tasty, and CLEAN, and within my caloric/macro limits, so aside from napping during my free time I spend endless hours looking up recipes.

Well, about the competition, posing practice is underway 45 min to an hour of practice every day. Actually every time I pass a mirror I stop and do a quick side pose, before I walk off. I practice holding in my stomach, all day, its quite the ab workout for anybody who doesn't have time for an ab session. Just try keeping your abs tight, all day long, you 'll be sore the next day I promise. Posing is just as important as how your actual physique looks. You can have the best body in the world, but if you don't know how to present it, well, your great body is almost useless. Last year I practiced posing backstage before my show ha! I will never make that mistake again, this time I'm bringing the total package. No point working these endless hours, and then freezing in front of the judges. I'm treating posing as important as my meals and workouts are. I have met with a posing coach who recommended I video record myself to critique things, change things, improve. And so I'll share a nice quick session with you:

So, its rough, and a bit embarrassing, but I may as well share what I'm working with right? Enjoy...

Home stretch

If I wanna finish I have to do it with a bang I suppose. So now, 5 weeks to go, I have signed myself up to teach 5 group fitness classes a week, and to take a summer school class, cause it isnt worth it without the stress right? I can handle it I'm sure, its just going to take a little extra effort. These last few weeks are the most crucial part of the entire training program. Food has slowly been pulled away from my diet, workouts have changed some, and cardio has increased. Things aren't getting harder, but they aren't getting easier either. I just have to keep visualizing that final product. At the end of the day, its the only thing that keeps me pushing. Although Im stressed, hungry and tired, Im more excited than anything else. Setting a goal, and reaching it is an inexplainable feeling. I dont think competing in fitness competitions is for everybody, but I will say its never too late to shoot for a dream. When you make it you make it there, nobody will be able to bring you back down to Earth.

This wasn't much of a progress report, I will have a more in depth update soon. I'm still pushing dont worry :)