progress report

So, six weeks to go. Oh my time is creeping up on me pretty fast. I am still on my 4 day split with two a day cardio. A tiny bit of my calories have been cut from my diet, and as the weeks go by more and more will slowly be taken away. Yes, depletion has begun. Last year at this time I was exhausted, ready to give up, cheating, doubtful, moody, lonely. This year six weeks out I couldn't feel better. I suppose its the fact that dieting down isn't new to me. Competition prep, it takes quite the toll on your mind, and last year I was overwhelmed and consumed with emotions through the whole process. Don't get me wrong, its still quite the emotional rollercoaster. Somedays I'm just so angry with the world and nobody can put a smile on my face. Other days I'm fine. Im not exhausted just yet, I know it will come soon though. I'm actually quite proud of myself, Ive cut my daily coffee to weekends only. Have I cheated? Well, to be quite honest I've had minor slip ups, I found a little note in my food journal yesterday that said I had a binge. It was nine weeks out, I dont remember the binge, and I dont remember journaling about it, but apparently it happened and I was very disappointed in myself after. I can honestly say recently I haven't really strayed from my nutrition plan at all. I know what I want, and so I just suck it up channel my thoughts elsewhere, take deep breaths and keep going with my day. Lonely? Well, that one is hard to answer. I would call it a self-inflicted loneliness. The closer I get to show the more I shut people out. I almost don't realize I do it until I have a moment of free time and then nobody's around to do fun "uncompetition" things with. I cant complain though, and I wont. I hope people understand it isn't on purpose, its just competition prep. In a little over a month, I'll be more pleasant, and more willing to go out and party hardy again. Enough about the internal things going on. Externally well I am definitely not where I need to be. I'm still dropping pounds (I know I said no more weighing but I had to know!) and bodyfat is decreasing with it. Things are progressing quite well. Somedays I wake up with a 6pack :) those are always great days. Other days the 6pack is just a belly but I know its down there somewhere. And that's where I'm at right now. Working working and thats it. No room for excuses, no room for breaks, just room to work harder and keep pushing. 


On a side note, I've started my post competition food wish list. I'll share. It isn't too long yet. My list will grow though, but for now this is what I got:


Pepperoni Pizza Thin Crust Extra Sauce
Blizzard any flavor
Cheesecake
A Brownie from Starbucks
PBJ Sandwich
I saw this chocolate almond butter yesterday at walmart that I need to try eventually..


And that's it so far. Desserts are winning obviously, surprise surprise.