update

I'm major slacking on my blog. Partially because school has taken over my life, and partially because nothing new and exciting has taken place. My 2 week break ended and I will say it went fairly well, I did not enter our weightroom not once. I caught up on any sleep I ever missed out on in 2010, and I caught up on my classes. It was kind of nice, boring but nice.

I had to explain this to my family recently, regarding my lifestyle and I'd like to share. I am a Figure Competitor. My body is my job, in a sense. I sometimes am at a crossroad because I cannot always be the fun one that goes out and indulges. A lot of times, I pass on hanging out with people, because I know food is involved. Its not always fun. At the same time. You cant quite turn on and off the competitor lifestyle, or you will end up paying for it with endless hours of cardio and hunger. I eat every 3 hrs, 2 1/2 at times, I do cardio once to twice a day, and I lift weights. Will I ever turn the switch off and live "normal?" That is normal for me. Its competitor normal.

I will confess I did let loose recently and went out, indulged, played. Where did it land me? Well, about 20lbs heavier than I was in July. Kind of scary to be honest, gaining 20 lbs in 4 months. So right now, along with damage control, I'm trying to find the happy medium. I realize I don't need to walk around with washboard abs year around, and it's a pretty high expectation for me to be honest. But I don't enjoy carrying around all this extra weight, its not fun at all.

So this blog isn't meant to be about my struggle with weight. I'll leave that as my last little tidbit regarding that issue. It started as a journey. I'm at the point in my journey where I need to find that balance everyone talks about. Balance work, school, diet and exercise, family, friends. I'm a work in progress in all aspects. The goal is to keep progressing and not lose sight of what matters.

No competitions soon, just life. Hopefully I can find something entertaining to blog about soon, because my life is a little boring right now :) Boring is nice though. I think I can handle boring. 

My Week Off.

Operation Damage Control is in full swing and I've done exactly what I said. No workouts, no calorie restrictions. Just living as normal and rested as possible. It hasn't been a 100% rest week since I teach fitness classes, but I haven't actually devoted any time at all this week to focus on my fitness. And now we are Thursday, and I FEEL AWFUL. Besides exercising for my own fitness goals, I am starting to believe I need exercise to function. I had to miss work today because of an ear ache and horrible headache I woke up with. Since Monday (Day 2 of no exercise) I've been plagued by these headaches, which usually go away, but today's headache has persisted for the past 4 hours.

Is there such a thing as exercise withdrawal? I may be going through this right now, or maybe the flu. Whatever the case, on my journey to become a well balanced, fully restored, healthy body I will continue on with this week of rest.

vacation time.

It's been quite a while since I've done this. I needed a mental break, and a break from sharing my life with everyone. It was tough, I invited everyone in on this journey of mine and then I couldn't handle the attention. I found a note in my training journal from my best friend, it reads:

"People are watching us more closely this time. Some because they want to see how far we'll go, others because they hope we'll fail."

This note was written when I still thought I was going to do Nationals...probably one of the reasons I backed out of competing. The pressures of letting people down, not placing as high as I would like. I allowed stress and self doubt defeat me on that one. I'm passed it, Nationals wasn't my show. That's been established. Cant deny that the competition is a week away, and I'm a little sad I wont be competing as I look at the date marked in my day planner, on my closet wall, in my training journal. Not all is lost, there is always next year. 

So now I'm in off-season. This is when I get to recover and restore my body with everything I deprived it from. I'm learning there is a right way and a wrong way to do this, I of course did the "wrong way off season" and so now I'm in operation damage control. How does one begin this damage control??

Well with time off from the gym. How exciting, I get to stop working out and doing cardio for 2 full weeks. Honestly, Im not thrilled about this time off, but my body will appreciate it.

Why am I blogging about this? Well, first it was my therapy while I trained for my last show and even though I have no show, well, I still have a goal and so I'll blog. Second, blogging kind of holds me accountable to stick with my training routine. If I have an audience, I'm more likely to behave. And so, here we go again. 

OPERATION DAMAGE CONTROL BEGINS. Its kind of odd its beginning with me doing absolutely nothing, but, I gotta do what I gotta do. :)

bak to basics.

8 weeks from the show of my dreams, and I've decided to take a few steps back, not completely walk away, but just stop for a moment.

NPC National Championships 2010 is not my show. I wish I could say I had it together this whole time and that I've given 100% everyday. I would be lying if I said that and so I wont. Don't get me wrong, I tried, but trying and doing are two very different actions. Life caught up with me, work caught up with me, stress caught up with me. I can keep fighting through it and training 89% for this show, or step back, catch my breath and try again when I'm ready to give 100%. Right now my mind is begging me for a break. My body is begging me for a break. And I have broken one too many times to keep going.

I have this goal, this one ultimate goal. Its what I train for, what I eat for, everyday in my mind I know what I want. But its MY goal, and I will fight for it when I'M ready and not when others think I'm ready. I'm not doing this for anybody but me, so if I know I need to stop, well, regardless of what others think, I've decided to stop.

Where do I go from here? What exactly happens when for the past 7 months I've done nothing but trained, dieted, slept, ate, breathed nothing but competition? I'm not quite sure. I actually have no idea what to do from here.

I felt like a failure today for a brief second. I'm not really quitting, I'm prolonging the process so I can come in better, stronger, leaner and reach the goal I've been dreaming about for the past 2 yrs. I'll come back. And when I do I'll be ready both physically and mentally. As for right now, well, I guess I have to figure that out now dont I?

Back to the drawing board.

“Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever.” - Lance Armstrong

moment of realization

Okay okay. I'm usually the ambitious, self motivated, I'll prove everybody wrong type of girl. I got a little lost this time around. Placed my focus on a million things at once, and will say training got the backburner. Going from show to show with only 16 weeks in between is no fun for anybody. Because well, it took me about 14 to train for the first one, plus 16 more to prep for my next one which technically ended up being 13 because I took some time off. Either way it adds up to A LONG LONG TIME of wearing down my body and testing my mind.
Im sitting at 9 weeks away from the biggest event of my life. Well maybe not of my life, but of my competition life, its huge. I freaked myself out and turned this competition into a monster I couldn't handle and lost all of my confidence, and threw the towel in before I even made it to the stage. Through my freaking out process I learned I'm quite the emotional eater. Who would've thought? Mental breakdown=Beeline for the Pantry. Its happened on more than one occasion now, and I'd like to say I'm ashamed, but I'm just realizing I'm normal. I have to learn self-control just like everyone does (or atleast I hope others do this). Its a struggle.
So today, realizing "Oh snap I have 9 weeks!" and seeing what I see in the mirror, and on the scale I've realized, I have to put away all the negative thoughts, the freak outs, the mental breakdowns. I have no time for that. I have no time to sleep in, no time to skip cardio, no time to emotionally eat. Clock's ticking and its not working in my favor at all.
This is the moment where I take my program into overdrive and push like no other. I also think its time I put a little pause on my blog. Sharing my uphill battle was such a good feeling, but sharing the downhill slope isn't quite as easy to partake in. I won't say my blogging days are over, but for now, my mind is on one thing and one thing only....

If u want the rainbow, you've got to put up with the rain.

I want to say its been raining in my world for two weeks the least. A lot of stresses have suddenly fallen on my shoulders and keeping it together has been anything but easy. Actually, I wouldn't say I've kept it together at all. There has been a lot of fake smiling going on these days. I will try not to complain though, obstacles don't stop me, at the end of the day the same thing is always on my mind. That prize. So, I'll maintain my composure and keep pushing forward.

While I've been putting up with this "rain" I have not been able to devote near as much attention to my training or my nutrition. Unacceptable. How can I be a winner if I don't give 100%? The truth is I can't. So, I've picked myself up from the ground, and I'm ready now to keep going. This isn't my first time falling, I've proven to myself once before that I won't be defeated mentally, and so now, I'll prove it again.

So where am I? Well, Im 10 weeks out from stepping on stage. Im give or take 20lbs away from the weight I need to be in order to compete at the size I was for my last show. So, that gives me 2lbs a week to get to that goal. Yes, I know what your thinking 20lbs gained in less than a month. Technically it's not 20, but somedays it is, I dunno my body is confused. Now about this body. There are muscles this time that need extra attention and attention they will get. I refuse to be part of the 'NR' list. (I believe that means non-ranked but I'm not sure). I'm starting over. Back at square one. I believe I've had enough mental breakdowns now that I should be good to go for the next 10 weeks.

My next debut will be a good one. Prepare yourself.

think like a winner.

"If you think you can or cant, you're right" -Henry Ford


In the process of deciding what I want, I took it upon myself to gather outside opinions. I know what I want at the end of it all. I train, I work, I sweat because ultimately I have this dream I'm reaching for. Day in and day out, this dream is what drives me. As humans we thrive on support from others, and I suppose I was just being human, taking this on.

Some people are behind me 100%, say I have what it takes, want to see me succeed. Those opinions came few.

Ofcourse not everybody will believe in me, some people will think I don't have what it takes, some people say I'm in over my head. I felt like I was drowning yesterday, unsure if right now is the right time to fight for this goal.

A conversation with somebody keeps repeating itself in my head. "Crys you're within arms reach of your dream and they aren't even stretched out." Those are the words I can't forget.

I clear my mind when I run, and thats exactly what I did this morning, while I appreciate the negative comments along with the positive. What I think of myself is what matters. Whether or not I believe in myself will get me through these next 12 weeks. So starting today, I'm not asking you to believe in me, because I know I have what it takes. I have a goal to reach, and I can't stop until its in my hands...

"If you don't have confidence, you'll always find a way not to win." - Carl Lewis

coming back to earth...

Well, I'll admit, I have been on cloud 32 for the past few days. Part of me still is way in the clouds right now. Its an indescribable feeling setting a goal for yourself and reaching it. I can rewind through each obstacle and struggle that came up for me in these 3 months and am incredibly proud of myself for not quitting.

So where am I now? Well, I wouldn't say back at square 1, but I might be close. I gave up a part of my life when I decided to compete. I gave up friends, I gave up on love, I gave up on anything outside of responsibilities for 12 straight weeks. And now that its over do I go back to having a life, having fun, exercising as a hobby and not with a set goal? I probably should, my mind definitely needs it, and I'm sure my body would thank me for a break as well.

After competing in this show I had a decision to make, go back to training, or start off season. Well, after the weekend and a week of rest I decided I'm not satisfied with just one show, and so I'm back to training again. Here we go, the week's begun and this is how its gone so far.

I created my program Saturday and Sunday, consulted with my trainer over my plans over the next 12weeks enjoyed my "last Supper" on Sunday (which hurt me quite a bit, a good 5lbs added to my post comp weight after that meal), and Monday woke up and went.

My first week of training is always rough, lots of pep talks, talking myself out of eating certain things, talking myself into eating certain things because I'll diet harder tomorrow, all kinds of talks. Workouts are especially rough. New routines, tired muscles, soreness that would usually lasts a day extending into 3 days later. Not easy at all. So I'm on day 3 today, I'm proud to say I said no to the birthday cupcakes we had in the office yesterday. Im sad to say, I had a few mini protein bars. I'm STARVING! Like I said, I'm pretty close to square 1.

So, since I still have a ways to go til my next competition and a lot less weight to lose this time, I get my "emergency snacks" back and will be heading to the grocery store soon to stock up on almonds, apples, cantelope, and jicama. Yep, those are my emergency snacks. I'll resort to chomping on ice again.

This time I won't be competing against newbies with a show or two under their belt, I'll be going against the big dogs. The nations best. Am I worried? Terrified. I feel like Im too far in this to settle, this is what I train for. It's become a part of me and I almost feel like I have no choice but to go forward. If I fall on my face, I'll get back up. I'll train harder. I'll keep trying. I don't quit.

So the journey continues. 12 weeks and 3 days til go time. Welcome to my life :)

The biggest regrets are for opportunities missed, for the things u could have done but didn't. Choose 2 deal in action rather than in regret. -Ralph Marston

PIT STOP.

Well. I made it. I did exactly what I said I would do. For a little over twelve weeks I worked, sweat, cried, pushed forward toward this goal. And I finally made it. This weekend is all a blur. Between the makeup, fake tan and rice cakes with honey, I couldn't tell Friday from today. Everything happened so fast. The week that lead up to the show I will call hell week. My mind officially shut down Thursday afternoon at 4pm as I was taking my final exam. Half of it must've still been working because I aced it. What was left to do? Another hour of cardio, then rest rest rest and pack for Friday.

Saturday morning, no sleep really, tons of nerves, hair make up done, suitcase packed ready to go. I spent alot of that morning taking deep breaths, trying to not let what was going on around me consume me. Over and over I kept thinking, you've worked so hard, do not break now. It's a hard spot to be in. I've let go of and lost a lot during this process. I lost some friends, literally had no social life, and the most excitement I had was Wednesday steak and yogurt night for the past 3 months. Although I would still be proud of how far I've come, to walk away from this empty handed would be a very hard pill to swallow. So I sat at the venue the next few hours trying ridiculously hard to stop my hands from shaking, and just calm my mind.

Finally backstage and the nerves left me. All that was left was adrenaline and so much pride. I was here. I did what I said I would do, and felt 100% ready to walk on that stage.

So, where did I end up? I wanted top 5, that was my goal. They call 5th (not me), 4th (still not me), 3rd (nope not me), 2nd Place, Contestant #83 Crystal Flores! I made it. Did I get first place? Nope, I sure didn't but I am not one bit disappointed in my placing. I went up and got everything I wanted. I reached my goal and 2nd feels so good.

So what is next for me? Well, as I said, this journey is one that doesn't end. I'll be taking a few days to rest and consider my options. I did it...

its finally here.

Wow. Hit by a whirl whind of emotions right now. My alarm still has about 2 hours to go off, but Im excited/nervous/anxious/thirsty/hungry and cant keep my eyes shut any longer. I am so thankful for the amount of support I have gotten through this journey. No part of this was easy, the endless hours of cardio, the times when I got left out of social events, watching others enjoy great large meals while I ate from a lunchbox. All for this moment I am experiencing right now. In a few hours I will be applying tan, doing my hair and makeup and heading to the venue. How do I feel?

I feel like first place.

For now, I will try and shut my eyes a little longer and visualize how I want this day to progress.

keep it together crys

Down to 2 days. Just 2..I was counting 3, but no, Thursday, Friday, Showtime. I have been on a 4 month journey towards this goal, and it is finally within hours reach. I'm trying to keep a steady head and not lose control right now. People keep asking how I'm feeling. I just want Saturday to get here. I cannot think anymore outside of what I need to do between now and Saturday, my brain is shot. 3 hours of cardio left, 1 more workout, 24 more hours of sleep (assuming I get a full 8 right now its really between 6 and 7), and there I am. All that work, all the sweat, the sacrifices, the tears (yes I've been an emotional wreck) lead up to that one day. So what happens if I don't win? Do I feel sorry for myself? Do I feel like a failure? Ofcourse not. I look in the mirror and see a completely different person looking back at me. A strong, confident, determined person who busted her behind for 16 long weeks and regardless of what placing I walk off that stage with, I am pretty darn proud with the progress I've made.

So how am I keeping control of the madness going through my mind right at this moment? Well, my room looks like a tornado ran through it. But I have lists everywhere. A list of things I must get done by Friday, a list of things I must pack, a things I need to cook list, lots and lots of lists. Some have things scratched off already, some do not. Right now, my biggest priority is a Final Exam I have tomorrow afternoon. After cardio tonight I will run through my notes again. I've been actively completing the review during class but am not retaining any information right now. Perhaps its this little event coming Saturday that has completely blocked any other thoughts from entering my brain? It's not the no carb thing because I happen to be on Day 3 of carb loading and man am I loving it. I will slowly continue to scratch things off each list until Friday when its time to leave. I was a little stressed because my suit hadn't showed, but its here now. A cute sparkly little thing. New stress? Aside from my final exam, our water will be shut off all day tomorrow due to a pipe or something. That really puts a hold on some of my cooking plans and shower plans! I'll find a way to work around this though. Trying really hard to keep it together....

down to five

Five days left. I'm currently carb depleting, but not for very long just a couple of days. Over and over things are going through my head like what needs to be packed, what still needs to be done here, dont forget about homework. I've already started to pack my small suitcase. The one that goes with me backstage. In it so far I have my make up, needle and thread, super glue, a pack of skittles, my back up suit, tan, and rice cakes. I dont know why I need the super glue, but you never know. There are still several things that will also go in this suitcase like my shoes, my suit (which still has yet to arrive), makeup, jewelery, this is good I'm blogging about this. Now I definitely wont forget!

Its 4th of July. Most Americans are celebrating America's Independence with friends, family, at bbq's, pools, beaches (where I was last year) watching fireworks. I spent mine finishing up a leg workout followed by cardio and then rushing home to make sure I got to my meal on time. Am I missing out on life? Yes. Do I regret it? Not one bit. I'll catch up with life again really soon, for now, all I see is the next 5 days...

It will all be worth it.

highs and lows

Somedays, my smile's aren't fake or forced, I'm not as sleepy, I'm motivated. Those are my highs.

Other days, I don't want one person to look at me because then I have to smile and converse, and waste energy doing so, I'm hungry, sleepy, on the verge of tears every hour. Those are the lows.

I'm not the most sensitive girl in the world, you get thick skin after every curve and crevice in your body gets pinched, measured, critiqued. Someone may tell you, you don't have what it takes, or think you still need a few more weeks to diet. My feelings don't get hurt when people think and say negative things to me or think negative things about me. That's my motivation to keep fighting. Keep working. Prove them wrong, prove to myself that I do have what it takes to do whatever it is that I want.

I have 8 more days to go, and at the rate I'm going, I'll have 5 more lows and 3 more highs ha. It's hard to stay strong 100% of the time when your body is begging you for a break, begging you for more food. The mind is one powerful thing, I'm still training mine to be stronger than my body. Its strange to say, but I think without cardio, I would have lost my mind by now. Those long runs are my chance to clear my mind, release all the stress thats building up, just go. Other times, the cardio ends up being my stress, with legs so tired they dont want to lift of the ground but I keep going.

I have a list of things I still have to do before next week.

Nails done

Hair done (its all kinds of funny colors right now, need to handle it)

My SUIT ISNT HERE YET!!!

More Posing Practice

Water Load

Water Deplete

buy my day of comp food (sodium free rice cakes which heb has been out of for 3 days)

***Im proud to say I currently have Natural Peanut Butter and Roasted Almond Butter in my fridge that has yet to be touched..and this isnt the jar kind, this is the crushed my own peanuts kind, ya kno, Whole Foods peanut crusher machine, that kind**

More Cardio

3 MOre Workouts :) YESSS

Pack

Take my Final Exam!

Oh my, school and work. They are still very much there. This weekend I will knock out some of this list, hair and nails for sure, and I'll start my study guide for my Final. Everything will fall into place. Lets just hope I get my suit soon, and pray it fits! I'm almost there.

hair help

I've been playing with different hairstyles this weekend. Presentation is key...I've already picked my favorite, but I'd like others opinions. So there are 5 diff "looks" I think they all kind of look similar. Any opinions good and bad will be greatly appreciated.

a day in the life of..

How I havent gone crazy just yet I'm not quite sure. To put into perspective what the past few weeks look like allow me to give you the daily run down.

Mon: 630a teach cardio class followed by 30-45 min of low intensity cardio

eat (every 3 hours eat again)

homework, study, nap if time permits

school

weights

cardio round 2

study, homework sleep

Tues: Cardio in the morning 45 min-an hour

eat (every 3 hrs eat again)

noon teach cardio class

go to school

teach an abs class

weights

cardio round 2

study homewk sleep

Wed: See Tues

Thurs: See wed and tues, subtract cardio class and abs class

Fri Sat Sun

Cardio

Weights

School

Promos (second job)

Cardio

Sleep

Eat every 3 hrs

That is my life. For the past 4 weeks exactly like that, and before summer started it was a little tougher schedule, but a little less workouts as well. Now, workouts have increased, cardio has increased, oh and food its decreased. Why anybody would choose to live this way and yes I say choose because this is my choice. Am I complaining, to an extent, but I view this schedule almost as a lifestyle. This is my life. So maybe I am a little crazy afterall, but who wants to be normal really?

Thankfully, there are a couple of things that have kept me sane through this process, the things that keep me functioning really. Not in any specific order these are probably the things that I appreciate the most right now.

1. Splenda (i'll switch to Stevia soon I promise)

2. Oats

3. Coffee

4. Orbit gum

5. My family, friends, and trainers

6. Lucy and Gizmo

7. Waking up with a 6-pack

8. Naps

9. Cardio (yes, cardio, my alone thinking time)

And there you go. Im still chugging along. Still surviving. Not all the way crazy. Its funny, every single time I see a mirror I hit a pose. People probably make fun, but I really dont care. I get a lot of "gosh you look tired" comments. Daily its what I hear. Part of me wants to say "Hello look at what I do all day long ofcourse I'm tired" but I just smile agree and mind my business.

On a more fun note, I had a photoshoot with a great photographer recently. It was fun and fit ha I'll share a couple of our faves. I can promise that although this photoshoot was only a week ago, my body already looks different than it did the day of the shoot. It's crazy, the biggest changes my body will make are in the next 15 days...you'll see.

There I am. I'll share more soon...

two-four.

twenty four days to go. thats two-four (24).

Things I still need to accomplish:

1. Build boulder shoulders :) cap them off nice and round

2. Wider Lats

3. Leaner legs, bring them down at least an inch

4. Lose the bellyyyyyyy (my enemy)

5. Ham/Glute tie in (work work work in progress)

Not a lot of days and still quite the list of goals, I want to say things are coming together quite nicely. Thats all I'll say, there is always room for improvement. I refuse to be satisfied with the results I've gotten, although I am a little proud, I have to stay focused on the goal.

A couple of days ago, I almost broke. The previous post was almost a pep-talk to myself, trying to convince myself not to quit. Yes, I said it, I wanted to quit. Somewhere inside of me the little flame burnt out and I was positive I did not have what it takes to make it to the next 3 weeks. I went to bed defeated almost. Two days later, I'm two workouts in, 4 cardio sessions in, and 2 days closer to that stage than I was before..I can't quit. What was I thinking? Aside from letting everybody else down, I cant let my own self down. Not after all the work, the talk, the work...and so I'll keep pushing. I didnt break thankfully, I'm kinda tough :) and determined. So, I'll accept the sacrifices I have to continue making and go, twenty four days really isnt that far away. So back to that list, 5 mini goals before I get to that BIG GOAL, oh and I'll get there, believe that.

"when you feel like quitting, remember why you held on so long in the first place." -anon

Strong mind

Strong mind strong mind strong mind. My body hates me it...this little journey hasnt been easy in any way shape or form, but 4 weeks to go and every single day is beginning to feel harder than the day before. Every morning starts the same, alarm goes off, snooze, sit up take an Atomic Burn, lay back down, alarm goes off again. I wake up, get dressed, walk out the door and start running. Come home, meal 1 along with the rest of my supplements. The rest of my day is filled with workouts, training clients, school, fitness classes, power naps, coffee, meals, tiny meals. My body's tired, my MIND is tired, and I'm hungry. Its so close, and Ive come so far, but here I am with less than 30 days to go finally breaking. Quitting isnt an option, its the last thing on my mind after working this hard this long. There will be a lot of digging deep in the next few days...forget the shovel, I need a bull dozer. Nobody said this would be easy...and easy it is not.

so close.

Its getting closer. Things are coming together it seems. I have definitely come a long way from April 1, to today. I have 4 tiny weeks to go. And they will fly by. Diet has changed again as it does every two weeks. Workouts have become quite interesting, glutes are tremendously sore. I never have focused on the gluteal region too much I figured squats and lunges was all I needed. Well there is this thing called a ham/glute tie in, that is non-existent on my body and judges love that area..so I've made it a goal to try and get this tie-in. A late goal none the less, but better late than never. I'm a little more tired than usual, and definitely more "on edge." I'm usually good at faking nice, actually I do a lot of faking nice but here recently there is no fake-ness to me. What you see is what you get, and I cant hold it back if I try. I apologize to anybody who I offend in the next few weeks with my mean looks, eye rolls, smart alic remarks, curse words. Believe me, if I could contain it I would. I have a new obsession with finding recipes that somehow fit in my program. So far, I haven't found one, but I am determined to create something so unbelievably tasty, and CLEAN, and within my caloric/macro limits, so aside from napping during my free time I spend endless hours looking up recipes.

Well, about the competition, posing practice is underway 45 min to an hour of practice every day. Actually every time I pass a mirror I stop and do a quick side pose, before I walk off. I practice holding in my stomach, all day, its quite the ab workout for anybody who doesn't have time for an ab session. Just try keeping your abs tight, all day long, you 'll be sore the next day I promise. Posing is just as important as how your actual physique looks. You can have the best body in the world, but if you don't know how to present it, well, your great body is almost useless. Last year I practiced posing backstage before my show ha! I will never make that mistake again, this time I'm bringing the total package. No point working these endless hours, and then freezing in front of the judges. I'm treating posing as important as my meals and workouts are. I have met with a posing coach who recommended I video record myself to critique things, change things, improve. And so I'll share a nice quick session with you:

So, its rough, and a bit embarrassing, but I may as well share what I'm working with right? Enjoy...

Home stretch

If I wanna finish I have to do it with a bang I suppose. So now, 5 weeks to go, I have signed myself up to teach 5 group fitness classes a week, and to take a summer school class, cause it isnt worth it without the stress right? I can handle it I'm sure, its just going to take a little extra effort. These last few weeks are the most crucial part of the entire training program. Food has slowly been pulled away from my diet, workouts have changed some, and cardio has increased. Things aren't getting harder, but they aren't getting easier either. I just have to keep visualizing that final product. At the end of the day, its the only thing that keeps me pushing. Although Im stressed, hungry and tired, Im more excited than anything else. Setting a goal, and reaching it is an inexplainable feeling. I dont think competing in fitness competitions is for everybody, but I will say its never too late to shoot for a dream. When you make it you make it there, nobody will be able to bring you back down to Earth.

This wasn't much of a progress report, I will have a more in depth update soon. I'm still pushing dont worry :)

progress report

So, six weeks to go. Oh my time is creeping up on me pretty fast. I am still on my 4 day split with two a day cardio. A tiny bit of my calories have been cut from my diet, and as the weeks go by more and more will slowly be taken away. Yes, depletion has begun. Last year at this time I was exhausted, ready to give up, cheating, doubtful, moody, lonely. This year six weeks out I couldn't feel better. I suppose its the fact that dieting down isn't new to me. Competition prep, it takes quite the toll on your mind, and last year I was overwhelmed and consumed with emotions through the whole process. Don't get me wrong, its still quite the emotional rollercoaster. Somedays I'm just so angry with the world and nobody can put a smile on my face. Other days I'm fine. Im not exhausted just yet, I know it will come soon though. I'm actually quite proud of myself, Ive cut my daily coffee to weekends only. Have I cheated? Well, to be quite honest I've had minor slip ups, I found a little note in my food journal yesterday that said I had a binge. It was nine weeks out, I dont remember the binge, and I dont remember journaling about it, but apparently it happened and I was very disappointed in myself after. I can honestly say recently I haven't really strayed from my nutrition plan at all. I know what I want, and so I just suck it up channel my thoughts elsewhere, take deep breaths and keep going with my day. Lonely? Well, that one is hard to answer. I would call it a self-inflicted loneliness. The closer I get to show the more I shut people out. I almost don't realize I do it until I have a moment of free time and then nobody's around to do fun "uncompetition" things with. I cant complain though, and I wont. I hope people understand it isn't on purpose, its just competition prep. In a little over a month, I'll be more pleasant, and more willing to go out and party hardy again. Enough about the internal things going on. Externally well I am definitely not where I need to be. I'm still dropping pounds (I know I said no more weighing but I had to know!) and bodyfat is decreasing with it. Things are progressing quite well. Somedays I wake up with a 6pack :) those are always great days. Other days the 6pack is just a belly but I know its down there somewhere. And that's where I'm at right now. Working working and thats it. No room for excuses, no room for breaks, just room to work harder and keep pushing. 


On a side note, I've started my post competition food wish list. I'll share. It isn't too long yet. My list will grow though, but for now this is what I got:


Pepperoni Pizza Thin Crust Extra Sauce
Blizzard any flavor
Cheesecake
A Brownie from Starbucks
PBJ Sandwich
I saw this chocolate almond butter yesterday at walmart that I need to try eventually..


And that's it so far. Desserts are winning obviously, surprise surprise. 

to each his own. my thoughts on supplements...

I get a lot of questions about what supplements work, what I would suggest, what will help tone. Answering those questions are tough. There isn't a miracle pill or drink that will burn the fat right off your midsection. At the same time, there are pills out there that will help with energy to make you work longer, bring your body temperature up to make you sweat more, suppress your appetite so you eat less. I'm always nervous to suggest what supplements a person should take aside from a daily multivitamin since there are so many side effects that come with taking supplements. My biggest suggestion would be for a person to do their research before jumping on a fatburner bandwagon.

Obviously I do take supplements and I'll share what I'm taking for anyone wondering. So that I'm not contradicting myself, I will justify I am in the gym on average of 2-3 hours a day. My own energy alone, in my opinion couldn't handle the work I put my body through so I do take supplements. I started a new fatburner stack recently. So far, really really good. I'm getting crazy amounts of energy through my workouts, and still sleeping pretty well at night. Along with daily fatburners I take BCAA's which promote recovery, a daily multivitamin (no they aren't just for old people) everybody needs a multi, and Glucosamine Chondroitin which is a joint supplement. So here's my list.

• Daily Multivitamin any brand
• Fatburner **Stack Abdominal Cuts along with Atomic Burn
• BCAA **ON
• Glucosamine Chondroitin any brand
• Low Carb Meal Replacement Shakes

At one point in time I did take other supplements when my weight didn't matter. I used a preworkout drink, which I cant wait to be able to take again. When you talk about strength gains and energy, those drinks aren't kidding. I also did take Whey Protein but its recently been cut from my diet and that's pretty much it.

Am I saying everybody should go out and take these pills and they'll have awesome bodies in 12 weeks? Ofcourse not. If you want to see results, you have to be willing to work for them. They aren't miracles in bottles. Also, what works for me, may not work for the next person. I will say I really like the current supplements on my list, they seem to be exactly what I need to reach my fitness goals.

There is also a great deal of work a person's body can do without any supplements at all. The key is work. How hard are you willing to push yourself? When it gets hard do you quit? If you want something bad enough, eventually you will put in the work. I know what I want, and I wake up every morning knowing every choice I make when I step out of that bed will affect me reaching my goal.

Its all about the work. Nothing is going to fall into your lap -Russel Simmons

home is where my heart is.

I try not to travel too far so that I won't have to worry about if I'll find a gym or if following my nutrition program will be a hassle. Its always easier when dieting down to just stay at my own home. Last year I ventured home for 4th of July and a baby shower and both times nutrition wise were a disaster.

This year so far my family has been the most supportive loving and accommodating as they could possibly be. I couldn't be more appreciative. They ask before I get there what foods I'll need so the refrigerator is stocked and all I have to worry about is cooking. Even if maybe she buys the wrong mrp brand or wrong veggies I love my mom for trying. My moms definitely the biggest support system I have right now. But overall the entire family does such a good job not letting me lose too much focus
At the same time, trips home are supposed to be a break, a celebration, a vacation. Ill be heading home Sunday. Its a long overdue visit for me and I'm looking forward to seeing everybody and getting away. I'm taking a little workout break. Not a long one just a couple of days. Its also my sisters birthday and if anybody knows how to celebrate birthdays its my family. There will be bbq pits grilling and drinks flowing and ofcourse a CAKE. Cake is my enemy right now. I love my nutrition program and so I'm not too worried about trading my grilled chicken for fajitas..but cake is my weakness. Desserts are my weakness.

I'm going to do what I can to stay far far away from the dessert. I've been stressing all week about this visit and my diet. But I got the txt this morning asking for the grocery list and a sense of relief has come over me.

Nobody said this would be easy. Its loaded with struggles, obstacles, sacrifices. This is my choice, competing, its nobody else's choice but my own and so I will take on everydays challenge with a smile on my face and a strong mind.  

waiting.

My meals are not that small. They are all pretty balanced, 6-8 oz of chicken or fish, 2 cups of vegetables, 1/2 cup of brown rice. when plated, looks pretty large, you'd be suprised the calories are quite low, under 400 to be exact. That's a typical meal, not my only ofcourse, but one or two of my meals generally look this way.

So this is my current dilemma, when I finish this delicious large meal, a part of me isn't quite satisfied, and so I have to talk myself out of walking into the kitchen for a snack. Its a constant struggle.

Some things I've had to do to keep myself out of the kitchen after I finish the meal is eating slower, cutting food into tiny pieces, drinking a great big cup of water along with the food. All these methods should work right? For me, they don't.

The only thing that keeps me from going back to the kitchen is one large deep breath, and a pep talk. I have to sit, and wait, and wait, for the feeling to go away. You see, I'm not hungry after a while, I may not even be hungry when I finish my meal, but for some odd reason I always just want a lil extra of something to "finish the meal off." I'm currently blogging this very minute trying to distract myself, while I'm waiting for this feeling to pass and I suppose its working because my stomach feels as though its beginning to settle.

I'm not sure if other people have this struggle, the "need to eat more when you aren't hungry" struggle, but if you do, try the deep breath and the pep talk. Really the pep talk works, ask yourself if you're really hungry, or just want food to "finish the meal off." I posted something recently about conditioning the mind and this is very much another example of that. A strong mind is a very powerful thing. I'm currently working on mine right now :)

study break.

Taking a quick study break to give one last reveal before I start wearing more clothing. That's right. No more showing off the bikini body after today. I didn't quite explain why in one of my before pics I was holding up a newspaper. Well, when I was down and out I decided I'd enter a 12-week transformation challenge sponsored by Labrada Nutrition and Bodybuilding.com. I figured it would be a good way to restart my engine after a long hibernation. Today ends the 12 weeks and well I'll be submitting my photos in the next day or so. I'm not 100% positive I'll win, but I'm pretty darn proud of myself for what I've accomplished so far. Here's what 12 weeks have done for me, and technically it was a little less than 10 weeks, because I had a 3 week break. Take a look. 








And there I am. Quite the transformation I'd say. Now take note, I'm a little more tan and in heels, but overall I'd say I've made some leaps. Number wise, I'm down 12lbs and 8% bodyfat. Inches have come down quite a bit. Now that that's out of the way, back to studying. Hopefully I win, the prizes are awesome. If I don't win this challenge, well, I'll be okay because honestly, I've already won.

strong body, stronger mind.

"The human body can stand the stress of training and nutritional structure. It’s the mind that’s the weakest link. Conditioning the mind is so important. Where the mind goes the body follows." -Kim Oddo

The quote above holds so much truth especially in my weakest moments. I do not have the strongest mind in the world, nor do I ever claim to. At times it is a daily battle pushing myself through a workout or even worse saying no to foods I used to love. I read this quote and immediately posted it on my facebook status because of how much I relate with it.


I'd like to share what occurred to me about 3 hours ago. Well, first I'll begin with how my day is usually planned out. My training program is quite structured, meals are timed and pre-chosen, cooked and portioned so that all I have to do is walk out the door with a lunch box filled with only my days meals. It makes things simple and convenient and keeps me from drive thru lines and corner stores for snacks. I have "emergency snacks" also pre measured that I take with me usually if I know I will have an extremely long day. Today was quite the easy day, I didn't even have to carry a lunchbox. Its finals week, so classes are shorter, I have less clients to train, I really had no reason to even pack an "emergency snack."
I walk into the gym for today's last class. This class is a coaching class and our final was group presentations of different curriculums. I smell the most amazing smell coming from 4 pizza boxes in the corner of the gym. Our lovely teacher thought she'd treat us to pizza on our last class day. How thoughtful of her. I look in my bag, and all I have is a pack of sugar-free gum and my Meal 4 which I still had 2 hours to wait on eating I didnt even pack an emergency snack. Normally 2 hours doesn't feel very long between meals and it's not hard to wait, it isn't my favorite meal, so I don't crave it nor run to it. Its just plain old Meal 4. At this point in time the boxes are still closed, students are still entering the gym and everyone sorta corrals around the boxes. I take a seat against the wall, take 2 pieces of gum, one deep breath, and grab the cell phone to text every person in my contact list trying to distract myself from thinking about the pizza. The only thing between myself and that pizza was one person. I could have easily reached for my slice. Asked her to pass me a slice. Talk about torture, it was torture. 


One of my favorite friends and a fellow competitor was the first to respond to my texts and I'm ever so grateful for her "words of wisdom." She says: 'Think sexy, be sexy. How bad do you want it? You're the only one that can take yourself there. You're the only one that can keep you from getting there.'  She was right. She is right. I take one more piece of gum, another breath, and just sat there. My mental strength was tested today. Crystal-1 Pizza-0. I don't feel like I'm losing when I miss out on that tastey goodness, at that exact moment I might just a little, but in the end, I'm really the winner. Or that's how I see it. I have a goal to reach. Every morning when I wake up, its the only thing I think about, and I refuse to let anything get in my way. Even greasy, cheesy, pizza. 


Anyway I had to share that. I almost choked when I saw what I was going to have to turn down. haha, it hurt my heart. Oh well, 6-pack coming soon.... 

all work no play???

I gotta have some fun dont I? I mean, I could lock myself in the closet for the next 8 weeks and only come out to hit the gym and then head back to the closet. Cut off friends, cut off fun, focus focus focus. For the most part I'd say my focus is on target right now, but I am human and a very social being. I think I'd go crazy if I shut myself off from the world. Im so thankful for crazy friends who want to learn how to "model pose" and show some interest in the crazy things that are part of my lifestyle. Its nice to know that even though I am out enjoying festivities nobody makes fun because instead of coming with a case of beer I choose to bring my lunchbox. I'm extremely thankful for how understanding the friends I've made are. So, as promised here are the pics from the pool party this weekend. 

trial and error

After getting "schooled" on workout knowledge today from my lovely co-competitor/best friend/stand in trainer I'm ready to work harder. Its funny, I can always count on him to put me in my place. When everybody says, "Gosh Crystal you're looking good!" He'll be the first to bust that bubble with, "Your arms look that way because you aren't pushing yourself hard enough." Some may view this as harsh, these words are the ones I appreciate the most.

I'm eight weeks out. I have a trainer again, and a best friend who has a great deal of knowledge and criticism he loves throwing my way, so we'll call the 2 of them my training team ha. I'm now sitting on my third week of no weight loss. I think I've already said that, it's time to make some changes. This week we've decided to cut some of the workload off. So, I was at a 5 day split and we're bringing me back down to 4. If anybody doesn't quite know what a 4 day split is, well, its gym talk for specific muscle group training, I was doing 5 days of weights a week, and we're retrying 4 days instead. My cardio is also dropping and I wont lie I'm kind of excited to hear that. I was ready for 120 min a day but nope, I'm bringing it down to 60 min a day. Not too bad at all, cake. Oh and then there's my diet. Nothing is really changing, we're just reorganizing what time of day I get which macros. Macros: short for macronutrients i.e. calories, fat, carbohydrates, protein.

At the end of the day there's no telling if this plan will fail or pass. There is no sure plan, as every body is different, and will respond differently to different methods. I'm hoping for a pass. Less work, more weightloss? Wouldn't that be just amazing? I'm hesitant to post my numbers, weight, inches, bodyfat so I wont. But in a week from today, with these changes to my program, I will report the final grade of this change. Oh yea, and I'm putting the scale away. For the next couple of weeks it'll be pictures and measurements to dictate if my program is working. This is about to get very interesting.

Pancakes for breakfast???

Okay so they arent REAL pancakes. A mix of egg whites, oatmeal, water and sweetener. If I wasnt dieting down I probably would have used milk, butter and syrup. But they taste really really good, and oh yes that's real bread. Carbs are not as bad as many people think. And very much a part of my diet right now. I know eventually I'll have to say goodbye to some carbs, but for now I enjoy every last bite.

So I'm 8 weeks til show time today. Technically, its 9, but I dont count that last week, so for me its 8. Weight wise Ive come a long way, 15lbs lower than when I started my program (on a good day..somedays its 12lbs), but I still have a big 10lbs to lose in 8 weeks. Ive been maintaining my current weight for 2 weeks strong which means something's gotta change really soon. As I said, I was going to do my homework, and I did, Ive calculated every single calorie, fat, protein, carb that goes in my mouth..I'm currently trying to decide if my diet needs altering, or maybe I should ramp up my cardio an extra 15 minutes. Either way, the pounds need to drop so some changes will be made starting tomorrow. As for now, I'll enjoy my pancake with cinnamon, and toast.

Weekend is here..

My morning cardio is a pretty crucial part of my training program. Every morning while people are sleeping or getting ready for work, you can find me on a treadmill, elliptical, or on the pavement. Its not easy, especially when I dont get the sleep I should have the night before, but I've accepted that its a part of life and I cant really just not do it. Sure there are other times in the day that it might fit better in my schedule, but why do it later?? I have a routine every morning to force myself out of bed. First I snooze the alarm maybe 3 times...or 10 :) then I finally open my eyes, look at my phone to see if I missed anything, stumble out of bed and turn on some music. This video is part of the playlist I listen to every morning. It isnt a very energetic song at all, but the words motivate me on a daily to get up and moving. So I'll share.



In other news, its FRIDAY!! Yes..for some this means party, relax, rest. For this little lady, it means focus 10 times harder. Weekends are tough. I prefer being on a tight schedule fitting workouts between work and school, when I have a full day of nothing at all to do I find myself sometimes putting it off until later in the day, not as energetic, things like that. So I have to make it a goal to push myself a little harder on the weekends than during the week. Especially when there's a beautiful river down the road. Its not very fun at all. I dont think there's anything wrong with partying hardy on the weekends, dont get me wrong. But there's gotta be some limitations in the partying, I dont work as hard as I do to wash away my progress, or atleast thats how I see it. Anyway, hope everybody has an exciting fun filled weekend! Don't forget to kiss mom's foreheads come Sunday.

the ugly side.

I get alot of questions about weightloss, as expected. Questions about supplements, dieting, workouts. I appreciate each and every question I get. At the end of the day the answer usually stays the same. Eat healthy, work hard, and dont give up. There's really nothing else to it but that. I do understand its much easier said than done. I suppose people expect to see huge results after a week or so, which in some cases is true. Its really not that easy though. For me, it took 28 weeks (7 months) the first time, and well, Im currently on month 8 of hard work and have just begun to see visible changes again. At the end of the day the only thing I didnt do was stop. Just keep going, keep working, it may not be in a week or even a month, but eventually things will start to happen. Knowing that should be enough motivation to keep anybody going. Aside from the physical, exercise and diet also keep you HEALTHY and thats what it should really be about. Living longer, breathing easier, being strong.

My story's a little different ofcourse. I want to compete, so my dieting and workout ethic has to be amped up times ten. Ive had to sacrifice more than just my favorite foods for this passion of mine. My social life has taken a toll, sometimes my grades begin to drop. I rock these dark circles around my eyes 7 days a week, and my hair, it lives in a hair tie! Atleast I've saved on hair products and make up. ha. I feel like its worth it though. So what if I cant stay out past midnight or dare I say have to be single for a few more months. Yes, even those relationships get put on the backburner while I'm training, I haven't learned how to juggle that part of my life combined with countless hours in the gym, working, sleeping, eating every 3 hours. Yea, not alot of room for a boyfriend in there.

The only pretty thing about my lifestyle is that final product. Walking on that stage in the heels, hair done, lashes on. Getting to that stage isn't pretty at all. I love my friends that have stuck around though. I've lost a few on the way, but the ones that stuck around are perhaps the only real ones I've had. Oh and my family, they may as well be my second trainers because when Im home they do what they can to keep me on my diet. For example, shrimp stuffed bacon wrapped jalapenos on Easter minus the bacon and the cheese! Thank God for family.

back to the drawing board..

the results speak for themselves. i obviously had an amazing trainer by my side that played a huge role in this huge transformation of mine. he turned me frm a body, into a Hardbody in a matter of months and his services were greatly appreciated. sadly, personal training is a business, and my trainer and I have had to part ways for financial reasons, I wont go into logistics of it all, the bottom line is im currently 'trainer-less.' considering changing the name of this post to WANTED: TRAINER, WILL PAY WITH CHEESECAKE! kidding. if you've forgotten my starting point, I went from that girl



To this girl >>>

okay enough with the progress photos for now. Ive decided I'll keep the photos to a minimum from this point forward. back to the point of my story, I am looking at a competition, 9 weeks away, yes 9. it seems sooo far away to some, but in competition world, 9 weeks isnt very much time at all. think crystal think. do you throw in the towel? no ofcourse not. this is just one more obstacle I will somehow overcome. so today I will tear my diet apart, look through the books and books and journals I've kept in the shelf throughout this process, DO MY HOMEWORK, after all I am a personal trainer too aren't I? I'd rather not train myself, its stressful enough just following the diets and workouts, but for now I really have no choice. Giving up is never an option, I know this lil hiney will be strutting on that stage no matter how I get there, I'm going to get there....so thats it for now. I will continue to watch this clock and hope 2 hours comes quick cause my stomach is starting to growl.
where's my water??

FLASH FORWARD.

And now finally that I have caught everyone up on just a tiny bit of the struggles I've faced during this journey, I can bring you to now. Oh the struggles are still very much there, daily things come up that affect every bit of what I have going on.

Well, I couldnt quit. Like I said, I'm not a quitter. I did take a break though, a much needed break. I took a look at my program, discussed goals with my trainer, and when my body said go, I did just that. Cardio once a day instead of twice, weights four times a week instead of five, and dieted hard. Although my training wasn't as intense, it was easier to manage along with work, school, life. And what do you know?


Progress. Finally. Seven months after my competition and the extra 20 pounds that found me, I finally have started to see progress. The thoughts going through my mind right at this moment? Dont stop now. Ofcourse I'm relieved to finally see some changes after ALL this time, but I cannot be content with my progress just yet. On April 1, 2010, I committed to compete in a show which is 9 weeks and 5 days from today. And although I'm enjoying waking up with a sort of 4 pack, the judges will look at my almost 4 pack and laugh. And so I'll keep going. Keep pushing. Come July 10 I will strut this little body on that figure competition stage once more, and hopefully come home with a trophy :). Welcome to the next 9 weeks of my journey. Remember it doesnt end, but I will make a pit stop in the near future.

just keep pushing forward

I bet you're wondering what happened after my lowest low...well, I picked myself up from the floor, dusted myself off, sucked it up and pushed forward. So what if my belly poked out a lil more, as did the bum, there was a healthy body underneath it all, and I was gonna hold my head high. Sometimes, even now, it is frustrating looking in the mirror, knowing where I'd like to be, and not being there, makes me angry. But that anger inside of me is why I keep pushing forward. January 2010 came fast, and with January comes competition season, another year of shows to prep for. 12 weeks is all it truly takes, the first show of the year was in March. Could I be ready?? Ofcourse I could, or so I thought. So my competition prep program began in January..AM cardio.check.meals every 3 hrs. check. weight training 5 days a week. check. weight shedding off...UNCHECK. what in the world? why wasnt my body changing? where was this 6 pack of mine???? Surely it was coming soon....well I wasnt 100% dieting nor was I doing cardio 100%. And my body knew it I suppose.

Here comes March, weight still high, body still soft, will I compete this year? My heart hurts, I'm ready to quit this dream I have. Its impossible, the thought that continued to cross my mind was that my body wasnt meant to be small. That picture of me with the newspaper was another attempt at "remotivating" myself that I can definitely lose weight and compete again. Four weeks later, I looked exactly the same.

And so that is when I gave in. Stopped working out. just took some time away from training and working out. Done.

my struggles after the high...

Flashback to October 2009, one month after my competition, now what? I put on 20lbs and didn't even know where to begin with this new body. A 20 lb heavier crys??? Who wants that? I didnt. I just wanted to hide, nothing fit, everything hurt, I had curves I had never seen in my life. I felt like my life was over!! I know, superficial, self absorbed, shallow me so focused on the outter. But the larger outter me, wasn't what I was used to, and it hurt to see all my hard work wash away in as little as a month, this is what i turned into...where did my abs go? where oh were did they go....i will call this my low point.

start

As I was doing my cardio this morning, sweating up a storm, I had the opportunity to think about my life and goals, as I always think and think while doing cardio, not alot else you can do on a machine that doesn't travel anywhere. For those who don't know my story, I decided to compete in my first figure competition last year and haven't given up on this dream thus far. I will continue to pursue it for some time. I am quick to post photos of progress as they come, but nobody has ever seen my struggles. And is success really worth it without the struggles? I've finally decided its time to showcase exactly where I came from, what I've evolved into, and hopefully continue to evolve into. I am a work in progress and this journey will be rough, but I'm no quitter.

That lil lady to the right was me in March 2009. Before I ever knew I'd become a competitor. 28 weeks later, you see the results, September 2009. That is usually the picture I show, when I say I compete. Don't worry there is more...